Jam is Good On Bread

Butter is essential.

(“Jam is good on bread?” And he starts with butter? There’s no cohesion here!)

Well, it is.

What is butter but a long stick of fat (and some water)? Let me push my spectacles up my nose and make another proclamation.

Bread hates water!

(“This dude JUST said water was essential for bread a few days ago, what the hell?”)

Once bread bakes, it can be moist in the middle. Hit a slice with some water, though, and you’ll have soggy pap.

I don’t eat soggy pap for breakfast. Well, maybe with brown sugar.

Butter is essential, I say it again. Because a thin spread of butter keeps your bread dry. It works with mayonnaise, too, but I don’t want mayonnaise and jam.

I want butter and jam.

I’ll even million-dollar it sometimes and use peanut butter.

At least butter, though. Thinly spread. And then I top it with jam.

There’s an enjoyable level of jams (spreads, jellies, marmalade, whathaveyou) in the world, but really only two kinds of butter. Salted and unsalted.

Unsalted butter doesn’t have salt in it.

Salted butter does.

Unsalted butter can last at room temperature if you make it, but it’s not going to like that much. In retribution, it may go rancid.

Salted butter is happier. All the salt kicks out the germs a bit better. It still likes having a lid, though.

Unsalted butter is good for baking. It offers a bit more control.

Salted butter is fine as well, but then you never know how much salt you’ve got in there.

Salted butter is the best butter for toast.

Sometimes, you have a grandfather who spreads butter on toast and still sprinkles a little salt on top. Sometimes, you start doing the same thing because it’s absolutely delicious.

Toast is a fantastic way to eat bread. And if you’re going to have toast –

Butter is essential.

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