This is just a letter to say I have written a book which you will know doubt race to publish! It is Die Hard meets Air Force One in Space with an intricate love story between alternate universe versions of the same President! I call it “Edge of the Atmosphere” and it will leave you breathless!
A bit about myself – I have been published 63 times by a local vanity press through the generous contribution of my uncle’s deaths. These 63 volumes convey my inner demons through narrative poetry written entirely in trochaic heptameter. I cannot share lines with you, as my concerns about copyright trump any concerns at appearing sane.
Suffice to say, they are brilliant. I did the illustrations myself in number two pencil and napkins.
In my spare time, I eschew the philistine act of television, living instead the Luddite lifestyle best serving an author of my caliber, similar to the hero in Edge of the Atmosphere – he is a man who gets called back to the world of technology, ironically over the phone! Then, he meets himself, a women who made the choice to embrace technology and is also now a cyborg – I better stop, you will understand as you blaze through my masterpiece.
As requested, the first ten pages are attached. Also, the rest of the book. I understand you have requested email only, but I don’t trust it and have therefore chosen to submit via hard copy. Please return it as I do not want it falling into the wrong hands. This is why, you will notice, it has been printed on purple paper with a dense watermark.
Please arrange for the advance to be provided via cashier’s check to the return address, along with the contract.
I eagerly await your publishing contract.
The Villain of the Piece.