FreeWrite 4/5

InwhichIFreeWritesoIdoWRITE

INFODUMP:

I am trying, without trying, to post for the Poetry month on Twitter. I still have the tweeter separate from the facebase. Because, reasons.

Let me Tell You A Story:

Once upon a time there was a wizard who could ignite stuff with his mind. He couldn’t ignite water or anything stupid like that – but if it was flammable, he could look at it and catch it on fire.

No, shut up, he didn’t have heat vision. He didn’t have to “look” at it, but there was concentration involved. It wasn’t like, pyrokinesis either – it was MAGIC.

No – god, no, there were no magic words, but it was MAGIC I AM TELLING THE STORY STOP NIT-PICKING.

So, this wizard who was MAGIC – he could set things on fire WITH HIS MIND.

Also, he was a wolf.

Well, the wizard was walking along one day and he saw a house made of straw and hay. It was tightly packed, but it caught fire. Not because of the wolf wizard, but because of the moisture content in the hay – see, this is an educational story, too – and because of the moisture percentage being over 22% in the bales the house was built with, and it had been built six weeks prior, the wolf saw it catch fire.

Now, there would be a lot to explain to the police ordinarily, but this took place before the socialization of city safety and the land was mainly feudal in nature. I’m not sure why the pig (there was a pig living there) didn’t opt for the relative safety of the castle walls, but it doesn’t really matter because he was roasted in the fire.

He had been asleep, so he wasn’t aware as the carbon monoxide did him in before the flames – keep that in mind.

The wolf ate him.

The wolf ate him, which was not a big deal at the time because the society understood waste makes haste (I think that’s the phrase) and went along on his way, wondering about the coincidence of the fact he couldn’t set the house on fire since it had already caught fire.

Further down the game trail – this is a feudal society, so there weren’t too many major thoroughfares in development at the time, excluding Roman pathways – he saw a house of sticks with a pig living in it! Understanding the pig to be a sentient being – how else could it build a house – and having no quarrel, also having just eaten, he went by.

Unfortunately, the pig was using an open brazier instead of a fireplace. The resulting heat has dried the wood sufficiently to gasify the flammable components. The brazier was below some pine struts installed, ironically, for safety, and the whole place caught fire.

The wolf wizard didn’t have the magic power to STOP fires, only to start them, so he went to the river, got some water in his hat (wizards all wear hats) and brought it back.

This gave him a way to cool the pig down, because by the time he got back, the pig was also roasted alive. He had also been asleep – maybe it’s afternoon and they’re napping?

Well, the wolf ate the pig, bones too, because wolves do that sometimes, and went on his way finally arriving at a home built of earthen bricks. I’m not sure if they were proper modern bricks, to be honest, but it was certainly a well constructed home. No cob or clay – well, sturdy bricks. I suppose if we can accept a wolf wizard and sentient pigs, modern bricklaying can have been developed as well.

The house wasn’t flammable, because it was made of bricks, so the wolf walked by without incident.

Later that week, the pig went to visit his brothers and found the homes burned to the ground and their bodies missing. He didn’t fret as this sort of thing happened often before centralized police forces and citizenship allowed society to better keep track of people. He was sad, but there wasn’t much he could do.

Fearful for his life, though, he did move back inside the castle gates where he was subsequently denied citizenship by the humans living there and they ate him.

The End.

Author: Matthew

A father, son, husband, and fairly rad dude.

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