I Can’t Think of Good Titles

You know, I spent a good part of my life thinking I would be a writer.  I imagined how my name might look on the books and what types of stories I might write.  And then, I petered out.  Looking back at the past several years, I’m a bit upset with myself for not working at it.  I had forgotten how nice it feels to write.

I suppose writers need to grow up a bit.  The advice that shines through from every single author is that to be a writer, you really only have to write.  And that’s not something I do – so it’s the only thing preventing me from it.  Of course, when you’re writing a blog, the last thing people want to read is a meta post about your in ability to find inspiration, as well as riddling the post with commas, so it becomes an albatross.

Life continues onward.  I find my limitations mainly to be from secrets I must keep.  Real writing, good writing must come from honesty and this is an area I’m not so good at anymore.  Parts of my life are hidden since the advent of social media – there are groups of people who can’t know what I’m doing with other groups of people, I’m constantly worried about writing the wrong thing and the wrong person reading it and it biting me in the rear end.  Through such constraints, one could argue creativity is born – but I would like to be able to bare my soul more effectively.

Of course, my hidden truths aren’t life-destroying, either.  I’m overweight, but my body feels like home at least.  There’s no attractions I have to keep secret – I only have life events that I keep hidden, developments that I can’t share.  At some point, I can.share aspects.

I lost a friend a few years ago, the one I could share it all with.  He left me, hasn’t spoken to me or anyone for quite sometime, so I have no confidant.  It’s frustrating.  It has never been my impetus to bottle up my emotions – nor do I find much help in writing them out in secret.  All that does is cause me to feel worse.  There’s no pride to be found in wallowing.

Anyway.  I have been writing again.  Trying to finish long form pieces started long, long ago, and possible starting new pieces.  Would that I could keep up with it this time, but it has been days since pen touched paper.  And pen and paper is my best way since it cannot hide in the ether – it’s there on my desk, being ignored.  Lovely, lovely.

And I promised myself, deep down, that I would do my blog more. What stops me is the subject of my Blog Name – Shouting into the Wilderness.  I’ve opinions, yes, but what good to write them down?  It all seems very arrogant.  Perhaps I’m suffering from aggrandizement.

Anyway.

That’s enough from me.  Happy New Year.

Star Wars: Rogue One

Yesterday saw the delivery of father/son bonding through the lens of movie going.  As previously mentioned, going to the movies is a favorite of mine.  I love popcorn, candy, surrendering my troubles at the door and looking at another world through a magic window.  Movies are awesome.  There’s some spoilers here.

Zach and I enjoyed Rogue One in that we watched the whole thing and had moments of joy.  I caught far more easter eggs than he (Darth Vader’s Volcano Castle!), but we both walked out thinking it was “Okay.”  Maybe “Okay+.”  The AV Club gave it a B, which I agree with.  It’s a solid B, not in the B-Movie world where that’s not what B means, but in the sense that it was slightly above average, but nowhere near the greatest.

I wasn’t very invested in the story, but I’m sure some folks will be.  I really enjoyed the action set-pieces, the sarcastic droid, the Darth Vader blitzkrieg, the cameos, Mads Mikkelson – all the performances were fine.  It felt Star Warsy, yes, but it also didn’t overcome it’s very obvious existence as a “shut up and take my money” situation.  I’ll be very clear, unless Disney delivers at least three Phantom Menaces in a row, I will be seeing Star Wars movies in the theater.  Even then!

So, this was a Star Wars movie.  It felt unnecessary, even at the end, but I still enjoyed it.  My favorite part is the conceit of the Death Star designer purposefully placing the destructive mechanism used in New Hope – it was never quite a plot hole in my eyes, but it does make the whole thing a little neater.

So, Disney can make Star Wars movies and make them well.  I’m always happy to see a movie that’s well-shot, well-acted, even if the plot and character lack a bit.  My rating is Okay +, with Zach agreeing.

Word Salad

Yeah, there’s a lot going on in my head these days – I don’t know how anyone ever manages to express themselves as a confident adult in this country.  The level of whining I feel I do on a daily basis is killing me, but so is stoicism.  There’s weights on my back, but they are meaningless compared to several people I know.

I am either the most confident or the least.  It’s very confusing.

Writing happened for a while, and then it didn’t, and I’m not very interested in being the writer who says “oh, wow, I wrote for such and such a time, give me cookies” because that’s not being a writer at all, it’s being a brown noser.

I’ve been so busy with work, though, which is what I’m really upset about.  There is no lie to the fact I really enjoy working with children and teaching them, but, as many have eloquently put, there’s too much other crap to deal with.  I have an observation Friday which has too much emphasis placed upon it,  and I honestly can’t handle the anxiety.  There’s grades to place, scopes to sequence – I’m confused half the time.  This year was supposed to be easier than last year, and it is not.  A big part of that is due to lack of resources, lack of support, lack of knowledge about Dr. Montessori – but much of it is due to indifference on my part.

The standards are killing me – not CCSS, those are easy to reconcile because they fit anything, but the science and social studies standards are hard to use these days.  Gone are the science standards that allowed a teacher to teach children about the wonders of the world.  They have an insular focus on scientific methods and principles, which is fine, but the content is gone.  This makes it very hard to incorporate “legally” all the really cool stuff kids love.

These new science standards are limiting, which is not the lesson science needs to teach to elementary school students, not really.  Why are we obsessed with making kids’ lives as miserable as adult lives?  Childhood is a gift, it’s a recent development that I see being casually eroded all over the country – and it’s a big problem.  Kids want to learn and explore, but they aren’t allowed to do it.

It’s really depressing.