I never thought I’d have to write about my mom for a long, long time.  She passed away Sunday morning.  We still don’t know why, but she had many health problems.  She and dad never shared the full extent with us, but she was much wearier than I knew.  There are many moments of disbelief and I imagine there will be for a long time.

I don’t know how to deal with this loss, but I do know to keep moving forward, so that is what I will do.  My wife is with me.  Our remaining family is strong.  I have great friends and coworkers making this much easier to deal with than it could be.


I love her so much and I won’t get to tell her that anymore.   She knew.  She knew how much I loved her and appreciated her, but I still want to tell her again and again.

She was visiting my grandfather (96) over the weekend.  I went down Friday night, excited to see her and Grandpa.  We sat up and talked for a long while that night and we woke up to go to the sale barn in Hillsdale.  Mom had been giving me the business that my cousin Jeff would be there “by 8:30” so I had better be up and ready.

Well, Jeff wasn’t there by 8:30 and mom slept in!  She came out in her PJs about 9:45 and I got her moving.  We drove to the sale barn in my truck and had a great time just talking about nonsense and looking at chickens and ducks and such.  There was not much to be seen so we stopped at the Market House for toilet paper and headed home.

Mom had made Guiness stew and I helped her season it up a bit.  She made biscuits.  So, I know the last thing mom made were biscuits and stew.  Sam called later and I headed home to help with couch-related business.  I told mom I loved her and texted her later that I was safe.  She texted back:

“Good. Take Care.  Love to All.”

Grandpa called the next day as Sam and I headed back from the store.  I thought it was probably mom using his phone, but it was Grandpa.  And he told me what had happened and I didn’t believe him.  The state trooper told me.  Sam had to take the phone and I don’t remember much for a few minutes.

I am grateful to know the last words I said to my mom were that I loved her.  I don’t know if my cousin, Jeff, will ever know how grateful I am that he was in town to help Grandpa sort through the police happenings.

Mom went through a lot in her life, and I always knew she may die young – but this is too young.  She loved to fish, hike, explore, travel, knit, garden, read, and was always up for any adventure.  She loved it when Sam and I dragged her along for camping trips and had planned to go with Sam this summer up north.

She loved her Grandkids, all of them.

I don’t want her to be gone, but she is gone.  I am grateful for all the people who have shown love for her in passing.  Everyone I knew liked her.  She was a mom for many people in the family, never questioning that role and never turning down requests for help.

I am going to miss her.  All I want is my mom back.

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