Thirty-One Project – Recipes!

Hello, friends.  Today is the day I share some recipes with you, and I’ve been racking my brain wondering what specifically would work best.  I don’t really know.  People who are interested in my cookery no doubt have seen my recipes for French onion soup as well as Coq au vin.  I also know my way around a baked potato.  I am also a big fan of my wife’s pecan pie.  Those do nicely, I suppose.  I’m fairly certain I’ve shared recipes before – even the recipes I will share today.  It is okay.  The more we share, the more we care, right?

RECIPE ONE:  STRAWBERRIES

1.  Get into a car.  It is helpful to have summer music on the radio.

2.  Go to a strawberry farm (it is preferable if the farm is open and if they have strawberries in season)

3.  In the u-pick field, get on your knees and crawl around a bit.

4.  Find a strawberry.  Find a strawberry that is warm, warmed by the sun.  Find one that must be picked today.  One that may only have a matter of hours or minutes of ripeness left.  Find a strawberry that must be eaten today, one that no fridge or freezer will save, one that cannot survive the trip to the car.

5.  Eat this strawberry, warm from the sun.

That is basically my favorite recipe for strawberries.

RECIPE TWO:  TACO OMELETS

1.  Make tacos.

2.  Clean up from tacos and put the beef in the fridge.  I like to use a container for this because the last time I didn’t, my wife got very cross.

3.  Go to bed.  It is always a good idea to do a little reading first.  Mysteries are not good bedtime reading because you will be up all night wondering “who-dun-it?!”

4.  Wake up!  Run to the fridge with a gleeful smile because today you are making taco omelets!

5.  Make omelets.  While this happens, heat up the seasoned beef.  When the omelet has reached a state of omelessence fill it with taco meat, cheese, tomatoes, but not lettuce because hot lettuce is gross.

6.  Roll up the omelet or fold it.  You ought to take an omelet class to really know which is correct.  I like hot sauce on top of the omelet with some sour cream.

And that’s the best omelet in the world, easily.  What I like best is that with enough sour cream and beef, you can barely taste the eggs – and eggs are very good for you.

RECIPE 3 – BAKED BEANS

1.  Do all the laundry in the house.  Be sure to look under all the beds and couches and search all the corners for stray socks and whatnot – I don’t know how they get there, but I swear I could look under my bed every half hour and still find a random sock.  (Sam says I take them off and throw them on the floor, but I don’t even realize it.  All I do is sit down to read and twenty minutes later I have bare feet)

2.  Clean the bathroom.  A helpful tip is to have a canister of Lysol wipes and orange flavored Alka-Seltzer.  Believe it or not, the Alka-Seltzer is very helpful at cleaning your toilet.  Drop two tabs in and wait for the magic to happen.  While waiting (Magic words are not required, but are fun) use the wipes to clean the sink and tub.  Actually, a good scrub of the tub with a washcloth works best.  Anyway, when that’s all done you can clean the toilet with a johnny-mop and give it a flush.

3.  Light some candles.  Scented, please.  They make the place look nice.  While the odor is being lifted, vacuum everything up and make sure the house is clean before your wife comes home from work.  (“Mom clean” not “dad clean”)

4.  Ask your wife nicely if she would please make you baked beans for dinner.  Quite frankly, you don’t need to know the secret alchemical process she puts those cans of sweet nuggets through, but they are really damn good.

Basically, my wife’s “dishes” are worth walking over hot coals for.  She makes the best baked beans, pierogies, pecan pie, and a few other things better than even me – and I am the best cook I know.

Except maybe for Jesse.

Anyway, those are not only one recipe but three that I hope you will get a chance to try in the next year or so.  Recipe One will have to wait until June 2014.  I didn’t say so up there, but it’s really more of a “June” recipe.

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Published by Matthew

A father, son, husband, and fairly rad dude.

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