I hesitate to describe my blog as a 2.0 version. That implies that there was an effort beforehand for some semblance of cohesion in the previous posts. However, it is an apt descriptor in that I am successfully reinventing this arena of discourse.
Consider this a “first” post, which is a confusing thing to say. I have written thousands of words – some of them quite good – in the past few years at this very Internet location. The effort has been well done, but not incredible full of quality. Why is this? I am compelled ot reply “laziness.”
In the past few years as I have tried to keep up this blog my life has changed dramatically. No longer satisfied with a single, drifter lifestyle, I sought to unite myself with a former high school sweetheart. Our road has been incredibly rocky and we’ve picked up quite a few travelers on the journey, which sees a rest stop in the near future.
Metaphors aside, I am married now, with a son. Words like “mortgage” and “Pre-School” are not too far ahead and I find myself still unsure what exactly I want to do with my life. Fatherhood and being a husband were always a goal – though they have come a bit sooner than I thought they would – and so the familial side of my life is greatly fulfilled. But the career side, oh that troublesome career side. Why is it so difficult?
My mother claims that I am similar to her in this regard. We both like doing many different things, which is highly evidenced by may mothers hobbies gaining in number over the years. She knits and crochets, makes wine, jelly, foodstuffs, and every so often tells me of a new craft she’s thinking of trying that may or may not involve power tools. Mom has a job though, a career where she is a positive force in the workplace and has made many friends.
Compatriots of mine know I am forcing myself through school to gain my teacher certification. I use the term force as I am often unhappy in the tasks I must accomplish to earn my certificate. My classes tell me I will (positively!) need this information and skill I am practicing for but my observation of professionals in the field do not bear this out at all. So, I am like a dolphin jumping through hoops. On fire.
And that brings me to this. I will finish school next May, having done everything that needs to be done and hopefully finding employment somewhere. It is the most important thing I am doing on a career level. The secret I am scared to share even with myself is that I do not really want to.
Oh, I know in my bones (and it has been corroborated by most anyone I meet in the profession) that I would be an excellent teacher. But my nature is nomadic and practical – some would be surprised to hear. My happiest employed days were spent in the outdoors, waking early and working hard. Now I find myself staring a future of indoor work in the face and it terrifies me. To be trapped in a building for years and years and years, surrounded by bricks and light bulbs and children with cellular telephones is not terribly awful, but not where I want to be.
Which brings us to this. My blog. (The term “blog” is a terribly cacophonous word, in my opinion, by the way). I will finish school and I will be impressive in my student teaching and I will quite possibly gain employment somewhere. It is needed for the feeding of family and fairness in the household and as an inlet for making friendships and professional relationships. But beneath it all I will toil with my writing and my creative endeavors. What do I want to be? Someone who makes things up.
So: My effort. To create a showcase for creative endeavors. A real showcase this time, not a sometimes complaint jar filled with emo-esque ramblings about my suffering and sorrows, but a true showcase of my ability to succeed at the writing craft. Updates may also ensue about cinematic or theatrical endeavors – hobbies I greatly enjoy. Essays. Thought out, hopefully, but well written, definitely.
Throughout, I will maintain my archive of posts – but in the interest of improving my craft, some posts may appear again with new life and better prose. I am not setting out to change the world with my prose, I am looking to change my prose. Were you expecting a cliched switcharoo there? Too bad.
My writings will continue to be eclectic. I enjoy writing about writing as well as science fiction and adventuring and the like – and I do not want to limit myself. But I will attempt to hold myself to topics I have knowledge on. As much as I would love to write about music, I do not have the greatest working knowledge on the subject.
In the end, I also need to focus on ending pieces.