The Camp

This is the Intro for “The Camp.”  It’s a parody of “The Office” based upon many of my friends’ and my experience at camp.  I am hoping to finish it up someday – don’t know if it’ll ever be taped.  But it’s fun to write.  This is pasted from Final Draft, so suffer the formatting.

The Camp

EXT.  THE DECK

(ZACHARY)

VARIOUS PEOPLE WALK ONTO THE DECK AND SHAKE HANDS WITH

ZACHARY.  HE HANDS THEM MANUALS AND BAGS.

ZACHARY

(v.o.)

Yeah, it’s day one of Orientation here

at Camp Gunther.  Everyone’s really

excited.

(People are hugging)

It’s a family atmosphere.

INT.  TALKING HEAD

(ZACHARY)

ZACHARY

I am the Program Director here at Camp

Gunther.  Always excited for summer to

start.  I spent the last year working

at Wal-Mart.  So.  It’s a bit of a

step up in the fun department.  We’ve

got a lot of great staff this year.

CUT TO:

INT.  TALKING HEAD

(SUSAN)

SUSAN

This will be my fourth summer on

staff.  I am very excited.  Zachary

never seems to notice me, but I have a

plan to get on the top of his list

this year.

Two words:  Name Repetition and Song

Styling.  So, people will feel

(moves arm in as if hugging)

Welcome.

EXT.  THE DECK

(SUSAN, LISA)

SUSAN SHAKES HANDS WITH LISA.

SUSAN

Welcome to Camp Gunther, I’m Susan.

LISA

Nice to meet you.  I’m Lisa.

SUSAN

Well, Lisa  –

(sings)

You seem like a piece of;

terrificness.  Lisa’s a caberet old

chum!  Come to Lisa!

LISA IS HORRIFIED.

EXT.  THE DECK

(BILL, ZACHARY)

BILL

I just think she’s freaking people

out.  It’s day one.  She can’t start

that next week?

ZACHARY

I will talk to her, Bill.

BILL

She’s crazy.

ZACHARY

She just cares too much, I think.

BILL

About make-up.  And boys.  And

impressing people.

ZACHARY

Well, you’re impressive.  Tattle-tale.

BILL

What?

ZACHARY

You’re a tattle-tale.  You like that?

INT.  TALKING HEAD

(BILL)

BILL

Zachary’s under stress.  I give him

some slack.  That and he could fire me

any second.

EXT.  THE DECK

(SUSAN, ZACHARY)

SUSAN

Zachary!

(singing)

He doesn’t climb trees!  He’s scared

of height.  Ooooh, up high you won’t

find him, cause he’s just too dim – up

high!

ZACHARY

Yeah.  About that.

(takes her arm and whispers)

A few of the other counselors think

the singing is a little over the top.

SUSAN

What?

ZACHARY

Yeah.  It’s scaring some of the new

counselors.

SUSAN

It is?

ZACHARY

I mean, I think its funny, but the new

counselors just got here and they’re

nervous

(Susan sniffs)

Susan?

SUSAN

(tears)

I just wanted them to feel welcome.

ZACHARY

Well I think they do.

SUSAN

No, You think that!  I try so hard and

no one cares.

(sobbing)

I just want you to like me.  I’m

sorry.  I’m sorry.

STORMS OFF, ZACHARY LOOKS AT CAMERA.

INT.  TALKING HEAD

(ZACHARY)

ZACHARY

And that’s just one thing I deal with.

FADE TO BLACK.

The Camp (Camptastic)